If you want to be best friends…

here is everything you must know.

  • I think 30 year old women with blunt fringes won’t be nice to homeless men, and may possibly be underwhelming in bed.
  • I write poetry frequently. It’s appalling, I know.
  • I’m frightened by disarming honesty in others, but when I do it, I think it’s hysterically funny, and consider those not laughing ‘wowsers’.
  • After my divorce, I became very strong and purposeful. (I could be standing next to a post and rail fence as I type this.) I use this strength in the following ways – giving my money to charity hawkers who could be faking Canadian accents, lifting heavy tubs, asking sharp faced harridans where I might find the peanut butter, not engaging in rubbish. Being kinder to people who need it.
  • I have children I like a lot.
  • There are novels, films and songs which I like slightly less than the children.
  • I am blogging in order to not show off my memoir skills on dating sites. Again.
  • Ethan Frome has the best logs, snow and contains a line never bettered – ‘I simply felt that he lived in a depth of moral isolation too remote for casual access’.
  • I am very left leaning. I genuinely hope that sticky stuff fired at Andrew Bolt was semen. From a polyamorous man who lives in Carlton with his Mum, his bi-racial daughter Ronnie and his Tuesday boyfriend Caleb.
  • I’m a foster carer. And you know how everyone craps on about being fit/on a committee/Thermomixes? Yeah, that’s all horseshit. Be a foster carer.
  • I permanently miss Summer.
  • I am the worst when it comes to stepping back and letting people learn. My friendship style is Laurie Lawrence – with whistle. I am also a diving instructor. I have had no training but you would swear by my over-confidence that it was I, who made Thorpie’s feet grow. When he was twelve.
  • The photo above suggests I am one of those red eyed dogs from Ghostbusters. It’s a fair assessment.
  • The two sexiest words in the English language – lamb shanks.

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